In Honor of Mom - a Blog Entry

My mom feels I should blog more.

And so I am endeavoring today to put the many words that swim through my head onto the screen and share them with anyone willing to listen. Even if it's only Mom.

I am thinking today about the modification I've had in my thoughts toward myself - most specifically, my appearance.

I've been trying to be thin since I was 11. That's when I started feeling like there was something wrong with the way I look. The funny thing is, I've managed to succeed quite well twice in my life, when I was 16 and then again when I was 21. Both times my methods were decidedly unhealthy and may have contributed to my inability to get where I'd like to be now. But I'm thinking back to my mindset when I was a healthy weight and both times I felt no different then when I'm not. In fact, I would almost say that I felt more critical of myself.

So I'm starting to second guess my sanitized view of my own motives in trying to drastically reduce my size now. I tell myself and everyone else that I want to be "healthy" and "self-disciplined" and be a good example to my kids. But the truth is, I am healthy. Pregnancy was hard on me, all four times, and two large boys and a C-section have changed my shape permanently. But almost two years after my last child, I'm starting to feel great again. Healthy eating and exercise definitely have given me energy and plenty of rest certainly boosts the effect. So let's call my view what it is. It's pride. Pride and vanity and approaching on idolatry.

So what I'm trying to work through now is what exactly I need to change. I think it's more mental than physical. I have to stop telling myself that I'm ugly, large, disgusting and unusual. The facts prove it's not really the case. Last year, and 40-45 pounds ago, I needed to lose weight. But now, while I'm still considered "overweight" I'm actually the average size for a woman my age. And after two months of dedicated strict eating and exercise, I haven't changed much at all. I'm wondering if my body has found the place where it is most comfortable.

I need to speak differently to myself. I need to pray differently. For as long as I can remember, I've been asking God to make me thin. And He has granted me a lot of great knowledge as far as getting away from processed food and sticking to the foods He made. He's given me the ability and energy to be active. He's allowed me to have the resources to offer my family healthy fruits, vegetables, protein and whole grains.  I have grown in my knowledge of making use of natural products, making natural products, and using nature to promote health and well being. I am incredibly grateful for the adventure of learning all of these things. I don't think I could ever go back to the way it was. I'm excited to learn more. I'd also like to learn more about dress as a way of accentuating my strengths and downplaying my weak areas.

What I'm not excited about is the drudgery of spending hours on the elliptical rather than taking care of my home and family. Of making my entire family eat the same low carbohydrate and high protein foods over and over in some desperate hope that it will make me look better. What I'm most tired of is the constant barrage of thoughts whenever I see a picture of myself that say "You are disgusting."

If this is where I am while living a normal, disciplined, educated existence, than this must be God's best for me. And I have no right to disparage what he has called acceptable. And it's ridiculous for me to strive after and fight for something that doesn't fit in line with his plan for me. Better to be at peace and be thankful for all the dreams and hopes that God does plan for me to accomplish in this wonderful life he has granted me.

Additional thoughts? Please comment. I'd be grateful to know someone is listening. Besides you, Mom. Thanks for being the kind of mother that is always quick to listen.

Halfway There Update

So about now I've begun to wonder why in the world I started this in the first place.

Several times I've said to myself "Three months? Really?"

But aside from the difficulty of so much restraint and self-discipline, I've begun to question my motives, which makes me wonder if it was a good idea in the first place.

Do I mean everything? No. To tell you the truth, the Bible reading has been downright easy. I'm on track, and I have to truthfully say that I feel like reading the Bible in 90 days is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm noticing things and grasping personalities and times so much better than I ever did at my snail's pace. I haven't felt like it was drudgery, like it was eating away at my time, or like I was missing out on anything by taking on this challenge. God's Word is an amazing thing. The more you devour it, the more you want.

I've also found an incredible music album that has partnered with the Bible reading in an amazing dance. It's called "The Story" and it is simply songs to accompany some of the most interesting characters of the Bible. When I finished Job, I played his song and sat back and just worshiped. It was so meaningful and real. I highly recommend it. (The album and the Bible reading!)

So what about the other parts of my self-challenge? I'm still doing them. I get on the elliptical every day for an hour and a half, and I record all my food and stay within my levels that are set in hopes of losing weight. I do feel like I may have lost a few pounds, though my scale phobia has prevented me from confirming.

I have had a hard time with the financial restriction only because of trying to eat in such a healthy manner. Truthfully, protein, fruit and veggies come at a price. It's been difficult. I did very well the first month, but since then I've started to "give up" to a certain extent, at least with the groceries.

I guess what I'm starting to wonder is what I am giving up by being so focused on the fitness. I'm not planning on really changing anything at the end of the these three months, but I doubt I will spend so much time exercising. Every day as I plod away at the elliptical, I wonder if my time there could be better spent with my children. Or writing. I haven't written anything since the beginning of this challenge.

I'm going to finish. And I'm going to allow the disciplines I've learned to be a part of my life on a regular basis. But I need to examine my motives. I need to understand why I am driven to do something, and whether that is really God's best for me. Sometimes even exercising and being healthy or frugal can be an idol and take the place of the one that I've promised to follow. I feel some days as if I am treading that dangerous line.

A few more weeks to go.

Having Energy is Fun

I decided it's about time to check in. I decided this tonight as I was making dinner and dancing around the room with Screech. I realized something in that moment.

I'm happy. TO be fair, I'm a fairly happy person. Generally speaking. I have good days and bad days, but what  I mean to say is that it's almost like that engine that I had let turn off over the last few months has been revived. I feel alive again.

Maybe it's the whole foods, it's not overeating or eating sugar, maybe it's the hour and a half workout. Maybe it's avoiding the stores and being content with what I have. But I have a strong feeling that this feeling of strength and cheerfulness comes mainly from reading so much of God's Word.

Anyway, I guess you can tell it's going well. I have six wonderful people who decided to join me - and I'm so happy that we can take this journey together and learn from each other.

If you want to hop in, you can still join anytime. Fitness, whether spiritual, financial or physical, is a decision that can be made at any point. Let me know if you're interested.

2012 Fitness/Financial/Spiritual Challenge

Ready or not, the ball is about to drop again, and usher in the year 2012.

If I could use one word to describe myself in 2011, it would be.... tired. I spent 95% of the year chasing Screech around and trying to keep him from destroying the world.

I was too tired to contemplate a vacation.

I was too tired to attend the annual women's retreat at my church that I haven't missed in at least 10 years. Not even the year I had morning sickness AND a stomach bug.

Everything I HAD to do, such as homeschool and exercise and go out in public - I had to make myself accomplish. It just wasn't in me.

And knowing that I'm heading into 2012 with Screech at the pinnacle of his annoying and destructive phase, I know I'm going to need help getting through it.

So WHY IN THE WORLD am I starting a 3 part, 3 month long challenge?

That's a really good question.

Committing to read the Bible the whole way through, lose 35 pounds, and not spend a dime more than I absolutely have to for three months isn't my idea of fun. But I'm to the place where I know that I can't just keep going on doing what I must to survive. And so I've learned that sometimes when you are at the end of yourself, the answer to getting out of the rut is to reach beyond yourself, and do the unexpected. The ridiculous. The challenge that you know WITHOUT A DOUBT you could never accomplish in your own strength.

Giving God an avenue to prove himself.

So that's what I'll be doing starting the morning of January 2. A new routine. 3 new disciplines. And I'm not only hopeful, I'm expectant as I watch God do the hard stuff in me to make changes that need to happen in my life.

Here's the challenge. Will YOU join me? If you commit to do one or all of these challenges with me, I will commit to praying for you, staying in touch with you, and helping you out in any way I can. Let me review the 3 challenges:

FITNESS: Committing to monitor eating and exercise, and stay on a plan for three months for the goal of health with or without weight loss.

FINANCIAL: Committing to only spend what is necessary for three months. (If it can wait, it will.)

SPIRITUAL: Reading through the Bible in 90 days. I am doing this with Amy on her BLOG. (If you would like to join me for this challenge please do it through Amy's website.)

If you want to join the other two, please let me know with a response to this post, either here or on facebook. Please also click the "join" button so we will be able to keep track of each other. I will pray for you every day of the three months and keep in touch with you so we can encourage one another in our goals.

Hope to hear from you before Monday morning! Happy New Year!

Best of 2011

My top ten best products, ideas, and entertainment of 2011:

1. Pinterest

If you haven't tried this online organizer of all your ideas and recipes, you must. I have used so many things I found on Pinterest this year I wouldn't be able to even start telling you all of them.

2. Grimm and Once Upon a Time

Two new shows that began this past fall that I'm starting to get into. Both are imaginative and storybookish but in a completely new and twisted way that I am all about. Give them a try if you like "different." (aka, not your run-of-the-mill cop show that seems to be all anyone was cranking out for awhile.)

3. The Hunger Games

By far the best new book series I read in 2011. Completely out there and creatively brilliant. Looking forward to the movie in March.

4. Homeschooling Science Book

This is probably my most favorite curriculum I've found since we started homeschooling. We have learned so much through this book. If you're looking for a good science book, look no further.

5. Michael Buble and One Republic


I had also been in an "only Christian music" mindset (without thinking about it) until my sister reminded me that a writer of fictional romances might do well to download a love song every now and then. She was right. And these two have become popular on my mp3 list.

6. Running


As I gear up to lose another 35 pounds this year (hopefully), I've come to the conclusion that I need to engage in exercise that I don't have to think about. I enjoy the elliptical, but I've found I really enjoy and can get quite addicted to running. Only problem is that so far, my back, knees and feet have decided that they will join forces and sabotage my efforts. I am determined to win. I'm hoping to run 5 miles in 2012. All at once, I mean.

7. Paper Plates


As the kids stack up, I've abandoned my once frugal efforts to save money and the environment by never using paper plates. Doing so has saved me a great deal of time and effort. I realize that most any homeschooling mother of four has already come to this conclusion.

8. Fitness Friends


A few friends and I got together to support each other in our healthy goals. I think that this is one of the major reasons I was able to lose 35 pounds in 2011. It is always better to do something as a group then to try to go it alone.

9. Kohls


I've started doing most of my clothes shopping at Kohl's. I'm finding that it is the best place to find quality for  exceptional prices, especially if you make use of their deals and coupons. I also love the large selection that you just don't find other places.

10.  Coffee


I know I am a bit behind. Most of the normal adults of the world have already discovered the wonders of this handy and tasty little bean. I was in one of those mind blocks that told me I didn't like coffee, coffee made me sick, and I would never appreciate it ever so why in the world would I even try. Then I started adding milk, cocoa, cinnamon, stevia, and whipped cream... and suddenly coffee is an almost daily staple in my world. I even got a new Cuisinart Grind and Brew coffeemaker for Christmas, and I'm in love with it.

There you have it.

The Gift in Giving

A thought occurred to me today when I was reading in Acts 20. Paul the Apostle did some amazing things. People were healed simply because they touched a piece of fabric that he had touched. Eutychus, who had fallen alseep and out of a window during a particularly long sermon, was raised from the dead by Paul. Paul had the ability to banish demons, convince the most unlikely converts of the plan of God through Christ, and predict the future.

But as you can see if you look closely in Acts 20, Paul wasn't always right. He says here that he'll never return to the people of Ephesus, when in fact he does later return. Even though Paul healed sick and raised the dead - he himself had physical issues that plagued him and did not go away.

What's my point and what does it have to do with Christmas and gifts?

I'm thinking of the quote of Jesus found in Acts 20:35. "It is more blessed to give than to receive." This is a pretty popular quote. We all know this in theory, but how many of us really understand this practically? Basically, Jesus is saying "You'll be more happy giving than you are getting."

Tying this to Paul's experiences, I see that even people we consider amazing spiritual examples don't get to use their gifts on themselves. That's not why God gives them to us. He gives us gifts, talents, strengths, ideas - but to benefit others, not ourselves. Trying to use these things on ourselves brings emptiness. Using them to help others fills us up.

Just something for us to remember at this time of year, and every other day. God gives us gifts in order to give to others. And in that gift, we find contentment.

Holidays Don't Last Forever

The halls will only be decked for a couple more weeks. It's hard to believe, but the holidays, as they always do, are soon to vanish away for another year. And then my three worst months start.

I don't know what it is about winter after New Year's, but for some reason it leaves me feeling closed in, with nothing special to look forward to and nowhere to go. It's not that I don't have anything to do, because laundry, dishes and homeschooling keep me most definitely occupied, it's just that life isn't as much fun during the winter.

I'm learning as I get older that life isn't really about being fun. If it happens to be fun sometimes, I'm thankful for it. But I'm starting to realize it's not the point. The point is to do the best with the days God has blessed me with. And I've been wondering what I could do with these three months that would show God and anyone else who might be paying attention that I am ready to be stretched and matured in this area. 

God has formed my thoughts into three areas. I am going to focus my practice of discipline in these areas. I am going to do a fitness/food challenge, a money challenge, and a spiritual challenge.

Spiritual. I'll talk about the spiritual challenge first. I didn't think this one up on my own, my friend and fellow blogger Amy is hosting it. It's the 90 day Bible challenge. Basically - reading the Bible like a novel. The kind of novel you read in 3 months. At first I couldn't imagine doing this - I mean, I've read through the Bible a few times but it generally takes me 3-4 years. And up till now, I've been fine with that. I enjoy mulling over small passages. But if I can stay up until 3 am reading the last Harry Potter book or devour the Hunger Games trilogy in a week, and read countless other fictional books in a day or two, I can surely stand to read my favorite book for 45 minutes a day. And so I have already committed to do so, starting January 2. Here is the official info and entry form.

Financial. I am a spender by nature. After living with MacGyver for 11 years now, I've learned the benefits of being a saver as well. I think I've come to a pretty good balance of the two, but I'm suspicious that MacGyver thinks I could still improve in my philosophy. So I am committing (of my own accord) to spend the first three months of 2012 only spending what is absolutely necessary. No extras, no new clothes, no decorating projects. Just what we need to survive. I'm thinking of it this way - if we needed to be extra careful - if MacGyver lost his job and we had to survive for three months as he looked for a new one, how would we live? What could I shave away that we don't have to have? 

Fitness/Food. At the beginning of this past year, I decided enough was enough. I'd had 4 children in 7 years, my metabolism stinks, blah blah blah... the time for excuses was over. So I became very disciplined and ended up losing 35 pounds. It took me about 8 months of serious discipline and effort to accomplish it. You can't keep going on low carb/high protein forever, so I've somewhat backed off since then. I've been watching the calories, getting on the elliptical every day, but my efforts at the moment are really only keeping me where I am. So I'm going to commit to three months of intensive attention to what I am eating and how I am moving. If you want to join me, I'll be reporting on my blog and I will stay in contact with anyone who wants to take on the challenge with me. Some of my basic rules that helped me lose the first 35 pounds are:

1. Eat more fruit and vegetables, especially vegetables. 

2. Eat as all-naturally as possible. Avoid processed foods. (If you can't pronounce most of the ingredients, it's processed.)

3. Eat only whole grains, no white anything. (As for sugar, stevia is an excellent replacement if you have to have something sweet.)

4. Eat more protein.

5. Eat a good breakfast, a healthy lunch, and a small dinner, with a couple snacks. Eating ends at 9 pm.

6. Record everything eaten and all exercise on MyFitnessPal.com DAILY and stay under goals.

7. Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

8. Drink lots of water. 

9. Exercise at least 5-6 hours a week.

So if you think you are interested in joining in one or all of these challenges, give it some thought. I'll say more about it at the end of this month, so go ahead and click the follow button now and check back to officially make your commitment. 

Things always work better when they are done as a group, so I hope you will join me. Until then - have a beautiful Christmas with those you love most, and remember the greatest gift of all.