The Two Best Things about New York City

So I had this little dream come true last week.

My husband and two older kids got to visit New York City for four days. And everything they say was true. It was completely, ridiculously expensive. It was crowded and smelly and overwhelming and in-your-face. And those things being validated, you would think I would say I didn't care for it. I'm claustrophobic, I have a larger area of personal space than the average person, I'm sensitive to noise, smell and lights.

I loved it. I found meaning in every moment, and I can't wait to go back someday. I found that part of my heart had been residing there and in visiting I found a part of myself I'd always been missing.

It sounds a little weird, I know. But if I learned anything in New York, I learned it's okay to be weird, as long as I'm being myself.

Two best things about NYC:

1. People watching.

             The most wonderful thing about NYC is the people. There is no shortage. They are packed shoulder to shoulder almost anywhere you go. They are from everywhere in the world. They are interesting to watch, whether they are homeless or tourists or locals or aliens from Pluto. I didn't see a single person who didn't fascinate me. On the subway. Walking in the streets. Sitting in the parks.

              The thing I think I enjoyed the most about the people, especially the locals, was their openness. They didn't try to hide who they were. If they were sitting on the subway they didn't politely cross their legs and fold their hands in their lap with a vacant smile. They would sleep. They would listen to their music. Passionately - as in singing along with all the feeling they could muster. They would laugh at their texts. They would read - textbooks, novels, newspapers. They would make quite a show of expertly not holding on to the poles and still managing to stay upright while us tourists held on for dear life. If they were in the park, they would perform. They would pull out their Michael Jackson moves or their puppets or their saxophone or their grand piano or just stand in spot with great acoustics and sing opera. Some were amazing talents, some were enjoyable to listen to and some kind of hurt the ears a little bit. But whatever they had on their heart to share, they weren't shy about getting up and sharing it. 

              And yet for all their showing off, I have never met such friendly people. We hardly ever had to ask for directions, and not because we weren't usually lost. Because locals would see the panic on our faces and approach us to see how they could help. 

              They taught me a lot about my "limits." They taught me I could stand in a packed subway car stacked up against them and be cool about it. No need to freak out or feel overwhelmed. They taught me that when walking back to the PATH station near the World Trade Center after dark, if one hears continuous booms from the other side of the island that cannot be explained, one doesn't freak out. One carries on with one's business unless directed otherwise. They taught me that I could be exposed to noise, lights, smells and be okay. I didn't have to get a migraine. I didn't have to be overwhelmed and wish I was alone in a spacious field. I could do more than I thought I could.

              

2. The places.

I think you get the point.

Let them Speak

I have been writing, writing, writing. Which makes me happy, happy, happy. I am in the terrifying position of having a completed, rewritten several times and polished historical romance that I can do nothing else with besides send to agents for the time being. So I have been. I'm up to five agents queried, so you can see I mean business. I'm 8 rejections short of J.K. Rowling's 12 rejections for Harry Potter, so that tells you I have a long way to go.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the rewrite to the sequel. In the previous book, the protagonist was of similar personality to me. It was somewhat easy to write from her perspective, because anything she might say or think, I might say or think as well. I've been realizing this time that my main character is very different from me, which has caused me to have to flex my writing muscles.

I had come to a "blah" section of writing where I didn't feel that undercurrent of overwhelming emotion I like to feel as I'm writing a story. I came to the conclusion it was because I have been letting my voice sneak in, causing my character to go silent.

It's easy to do. I tend to think my opinions and preferences are the best ones. I disagree with some of hers. And I don't always understand why she does the things she does. But to tell her story, based on Jesus' story of the Prodigal Son, I have to let her make some major mistakes. I have to allow her to dig herself into a pretty deep pit, or the point of the story and the message Jesus had for the wanderers will not be as clear.

It takes effort to write something that you don't believe. To put words in her mouth that I don't approve of. What if someone reading it thinks I feel that way?

But writing means letting go of my voice. Getting the author out of the way and letting the story come through. And the more I make a concerted effort to let her be herself, the deeper the story becomes.

So my advice to any other writers who feel like they just aren't getting below the surface with their characters - Let them speak. Don't talk over them. Shut up, even if you don't agree with them. It may be that they have something to teach us.

Thoughts? Leave a comment.

Angels and Demons and Answers

"Why would God care about me? I'm just a normal guy."

It's an excellent question. With an amazing answer. Unfortunately, Dean Winchester of the series "Supernatural" has yet to receive a satisfactory response to this question and many, many others.

I've been watching the show on Netflix. Don't go skipping off to the TV and put it on for the family. It's most definitely not for everyone. There's a lot of blood and guts, a lot of scary monsters, and brothers Dean and Sam are a bit rough with the language and innuendo at times. I also can't say that I approve of the CW inserting a scantily clad young female into just about every episode, either. But the reason I keep watching is for the deeper storyline. The depth of two young men who have suffered unimaginable losses and have no solid ground to stand on. They are at heart searching for a purpose. A reason for all the madness they are surrounded by. No matter how futile their attempts might seem, they continue to fight with all of their gathered strength against the continuous forces of evil. If they can save a life, then it doesn't matter that the quest has consumed any hope they have a normal life.

I started watching it because I've always liked the edgier, scary story. My sisters and I grew up watching scary movies and we had every episode of The X-Files memorized. More recently I enjoyed Fringe, and when that show had run its course I was searching for a replacement. Supernatural has filled that void.

But I don't think I've ever been more frustrated while taking a journey with characters. Sam and Dean were naturally brought to the point of asking the hardest questions. Why me? Am I cursed? Why is there such horrible evil in this world if there is a God who cares? And why would he care about me? I'm not perfect or strong, and I've been tainted by all the evil I fight. Amid all the beliefs of all the religions of the world, what is the truth? Can angels be trusted? Can God be trusted? Can I be saved?

These are the things Sam and Dean have been saying mid season 4. And my heart just keeps crying out, wanting to be heard. Wanting to will the truth onto the screen, into the script, to be a natural part of the story. Where they hit the nail on the head in Biblical truth, I applaud. Where they take liberties and go too far, cross the line and try to discount the most trustworthy Book ever written, I cringe. But when they ask these questions, I don't just hear two brothers on a television show.

I hear the hearts of our cynical, weary, proud society. I hear the voices of the masses, looking at all we have accomplished and all we possess and knowing that it isn't enough. It doesn't fill our need. It can't ever bring us the peace and happiness we all desperately want.

There's an easy answer to Sam and Dean's questions. When we look at the evil, when we stare hard into all the nasty effects that sin has brought to our groaning world, we can't see the truth. We can't see the light there. We can't just say there is a God and have hope. God is as scary to a sinner as the demons that try to destroy our lives. He's just as unreachable as the stars. There's only one bridge, one amazing and beautiful answer to the most horrifying realizations a human can have. And it can all be said in one word.

Jesus.

Without Jesus, without God-become-man-become-sin on a cross of death, without that man rising again in power and defeating hell and Satan and all the forces of evil, we'd be in a state of hopelessness. But as soon as you look into the loving, all-consuming brightness of the Savior's face, you understand. You know there's nothing left here that is stronger than the hold he has on your soul. You know there's nothing more powerful than a love that gave everything, and went to hell and back to set you free from the sin-cursed world.

I'd love to say it to every hurting heart in this world. I'd love to be able to say it to every hopeless being wandering helpless and alone. There is hope. There can be ultimate peace and joy in the face of life's hardest experiences. It only takes a seed of faith, and the humility to admit your hopeless condition. Jesus does everything else.

He is the answer.

"If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall  trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:31-39

10 Easy Ways to Start Living a Natural Life

I started thinking about how I could live more naturally over ten years ago, when I began to realize how my body had been affected by our convenience and processed society. Ten years later, I'm still learning new things.

If you've had the thought that you'd like to change your life and your health by "going green" or "living naturally," but you don't know where to start, I'm here for you! I've put together the ten easiest ways I've found to start your journey toward a new kind of lifestyle.

If you're skeptical, hear me out. You don't have to try all ten today. You could try one a week, or one a month. The point is just to try something. We are afraid of things that aren't familiar, and the only way to conquer that fear is to do something new.

Once you've tried any of these things, you won't have a desire to go back. Some of them may cost you a little more than you are used to spending (usually pennies to a couple dollars,) but some of these ideas can save you a surprising amount of money. I'm providing links to my favorite recipes for your pinning convenience.

1. Stop buying any food that contains HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP. This is an easy one. All you have to do is check the ingredients of anything you're not sure about (cereals, bread, condiments, etc.) This ingredient does you absolutely no favors. It's for the convenience of companies, not for your health. Almost always there is a healthier alternative that may cost a little bit more sitting right next to it. Think about it this way, the extra money you spend to avoid this additive will be dollars you save NOT going to the doctor for all the diseases this ingredient will help along. If you like this idea and would like a few more things to watch out for, another great tip is don't buy anything that has ingredients you can't pronounce. (One exception to this rule - sometimes lists include the scientific names of vitamins and minerals that have been added, but they will usually put the more common name in parenthesis.) If you want to even take it a step further, try only eating and drinking only God-made foods. Once you detox from the chemicals and preservatives your body is addicted to, you won't want anything else. Promise!

2. Make your own LAUNDRY DETERGENT. Honestly, now that I have been making my own for years (and have saved literally hundreds of dollars) I can tell you that store bought detergent adds nothing to your life. It's expensive, full of things you don't need on your skin, and has harsh smells you won't miss. It doesn't even save you that much time, because making your own is so easy. I've made both liquid and dry, and I find that I prefer the dry method - it seems to work a little better and is a little easier to make. But both are very easy and are fine for HE washers. Here's what I'm using right now: http://bumblebeebags.blogspot.com/2012/01/20-minutes-and-20-dollars-for-years.html  One more tip: I always add white vinegar to my fabric softener compartment. Not only does it keep your clothes smelling fresh and clean, it keeps your washer in good shape as well, especially if you have the HE version that uses less water and can get stinky sometimes.

3.Make your own INSECT REPELLENT. I'm not talking about camping trips into the deep forest where scary bugs live, I'm talking about everyday play in the backyard or walks in the neighborhood. I've tried this recipe the past two summers and it has worked very well (and my kids get hives from mosquito bites, so it was important to me that it worked.) This recipe does call for some essential oils, and well... they're essential, so you will have to make an investment, but they last for a long time so don't sweat it too much. http://www.icanteachmychild.com/2011/06/make-it-natural-mosquito-spray/ One more thing: she gives a lot of different oil choices, but the ones I find work the best are Citronella, Peppermint, Lemongrass, Lavender and Tea Tree.

4. Go ORGANIC. Not on everything. Some things aren't that important. But try going organic on milk, and on the "dirty dozen" fruits and veggies. List here: http://www.stonyfield.com/why-organic/12-best-fruits-and-veggies-buy-organic

5. Use all natural CLEANERS. I haven't looked back since I switched. Now I can clean without the inevitable migraine, and these ingredients clean just as well if not better than the store bought chemical stuff you're using. My go-to recipe for my basic kitchen and bathroom cleaner is this:

      > Fill a good sized spray bottle half full with water. Fill most of the rest with white vinegar (you can get huge containers of vinegar for next to nothing. I have one on every floor of the house.)
      > Add: (at this point I usually have some suds at the top of the container, so do the alcohol first) a tablespoon or two of rubbing alcohol, about a teaspoon of plain dawn dish soap, about 30-40 drops lemon oil, and 15 drops tea tree oil.

Another great cleaner I've found for tile and grout and every other sort of nasty you find in a bathroom inhabited by many children is this recipe... be prepared for amazing results! http://www.marthastewart.com/265635/tub-scrub (I use the peppermint oil, it smells great!)

Another cleaning tip - make your own furniture dusting spray. Works better, smells better, nice and cheap! http://www.themakeyourownzone.com/2011/02/homemade-furniture-dusting-spray.html

6. By now you're starting to feel daring, I can tell! Here's a challenge for you - make your own DEODORANT! I see that skeptical stare, but don't be a hater till you try it! It's true I have to put it on more frequently, and for super hot days when you're working in the garden you might need to revert back to the chemically stuff, but for most regular days (especially in cooler weather) this is all you'll need. And it was SO easy to make! I found everything I needed at Whole Foods, but you can always get it online as well. http://creatingnaturally.com/homemade-moisturizing-deodorant-that-works-and-goes-on-smoothly-make-it-yourself-monday/

7. You can also make your own SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. This was one thing I balked on for a long time before I tried. But I have found I like my hair better when I wash it this way. You need some Dr. Bronner's liquid castile soap (Whole Foods or Amazon.com) and some plain coconut milk. One part coconut milk, 2 parts castile soap - instant shampoo and body wash, and moisturizing to boot! Now comes the most disconcerting part - apple cider vinegar as conditioner. I promise you, you will NOT smell like vinegar for the rest of the day. Rinse it out well, and when it's dry it will smell clean and happy, not vinegary. I put mine in a little spritz bottle, but again, I have a huge bottle in the closet. Save money, better hair! What's to lose?

8. Instant FACIAL. Pour some honey in a bowl, add some cinnamon, nutmeg and lemon juice. This is great for toning your skin, for helping with acne issues, and the nutmeg also provides a vigorous scrub that will help  remove dead skin and leave you with a youthful glow. I always use grapeseed oil as a body lotion. It works great and is not greasy.

9. Easy great-smelling ROOM SPRAY. Fill a small spritz bottle (preferably dark) with water, and add about 40-80 drops of lavender. (I like mine strong.) There are countless other oils you can use, but this is a good basic spray for all your stale smelling rooms and sheets and couches. Other oils that work well as sprays are lemon, bergamot, ylang ylang (I always add some ylang ylang to my lavender spray, but be careful because a little goes a long way!) rosemary, rose, grapefruit or geranium. If you want a more decadent spray, try frankincense or myrrh, but be prepared to pay a little more. I have some of each that I spent a lot on, but they have lasted me a few years.

10. Dry your clothes outside on a CLOTHESLINE. Just tie some rope across a couple trees and lug out those sheets and blankets and towels. There is nothing like the smell of clothes dried in the sunshine all afternoon! A word of caution, don't try this with colored fabrics. The sun is quite good at bleaching!

Bonus: It's spring, why not make a vegetable garden? Good exercise and sunshine for you, great organic produce at a fraction of the cost! I have found tomatoes, peppers, onions, potatoes, oregano, basil, zucchini and parsley the easiest to grow, if you need a place to start.

There you go! If you already do all these, leave some advice or take it further in the comments. If you haven't tried some of these, what are you waiting for? Let me know how it goes!

Living in an Autoimmune Fog

I need to say it to someone. Anyone who cares to listen. It's not something that's easy for me to talk about. I tend to think if I don't talk about something it will make it less true. That illogical thinking isn't getting me anywhere, so here's my confession: I have battled my entire life with one seemingly random physical condition after another. As a child, it was allergies and asthma. The treatment? Drugs and hospitalizations. As a young adult, I added IBD to the list, as well as frustratingly undiagnosed thyroid symptoms, PCOS and debilitating migraines. My body went wildly out of control for all four of my pregnancies, which took my own research and concentrated effort, along with a great deal of prayer to even achieve in the first place.

Ruminating on all the hospitals, doctors, medication, tests, then my own learning and applying healthy eating, supplementation and exercise, still being here at 36 and wondering what in the world is wrong with me... well, it all makes me tired just to think about. Could it be that I had so many unrelated diseases? I have sat in many different doctor's offices in my lifetime and heard the same words, over and over. "Tests show there is nothing wrong with you." "You need this prescription for..." Being a chronic people-pleaser, I have believed them and continued to berate myself for being unable to combat these things. Recently, God has taken me on a journey in the Bible that has helped me address my fault of caring too much what other people think of me. And I was able to take steps to move away from my fear of man. As a result, I've been brave enough to start questioning, and researching (thanks to my writer's skills.)

I have had a doctor answer my question of why I am still overweight even though I do not overeat and I exercise regularly, "If losing weight were easy I'd be thin." Another doctor, wanting to prescribe a low dose anti-depressive to treat my migraines said "At that dose, there's no way you will have any side effects." I promptly had to quit taking them because my mouth broke out with sores and my tongue was numb. I'm not saying that I believe all doctors are unconcerned about the individual who sits in their office looking for answers. I have at least three personal friends who are medical doctors and there is no doubt in my mind that they do what they do because they truly and absolutely care about the people they are trying to help in the best way they know how. What's more? They are super smart people! I grew up with one of them and I have always been amazed at her intellectual ability. And I know that the nature of a medical profession in a world that looks for any opportunity to profit on the mistakes of others makes it a hard thing to deviate from the accepted practices. That being said, when I "average together" the medical profession as a whole, what I've long wished for was a trained medical doctor who was willing to think outside the "medical doctor box." To treat the whole person, not just the symptoms. To base their care on the single living being sitting there on the table rather than the statistical average of all people.

I have long thought of myself as having one basis for every physical problem I have. I have known intuitively that there has to be one reason why all of these "autoimmune" problems are happening to me, over and over and without responding to any medications. Recently my jumbled thoughts and foggy intuition have helped me to stumble upon a cascade of information that could be the answer to my condition. It's all wrapped up in my genes, which have been affected in a way that causes my body to think of itself as an enemy. I am literally attacking myself with my own immune system. 

I can see this in all the daily struggles with pain and illness I am living with right now, as I am in an active phase, or "flare-up," possibly due to a nasty virus I had in December. Even with my migraines. I found THIS helpful book recently, and the way it described how a migraine works sounded so familiar. People with migraines have a part of their brain that overreacts to normal stimuli, such as weather and hormonal changes, flashing lights, loud noises. And it's true, those are the things that most often trigger violent pain in my head. How do you avoid any of those things? I have had migraines triggered just by glancing at the little flashing lights on my children's toothbrushes that tell them how long to brush their teeth!

It's all about overreaction. Ultra-sensitivity. I've known this about myself all along, but it never occurred to me that there might be others that had the same struggles. I've discovered even among my friends those that suffer the same sorts of problems. Some of them are not as far along on the journey of information I am, others are beyond me and confuse me with the "language" I haven't quite caught the grasp of yet.

So now my objective is to discover how I can convince my body that it doesn't have to respond in such an extreme way to everything. I'm going to try some new supplements, tweak my diet some more, and have a positive attitude laden with a dependence on prayer. And I'm not going to believe everything I'm told, especially if it doesn't make sense or prove true. I'm going to look deeper. I'm going to find out how I can be healthy for my family, and not continue to give in to pain by slowly becoming a hermit because I never leave my house. I'm determined that as long as I'm still breathing, it's a chance to find the truth. And when I do, I'm going to use it to help others like me. I promise.

THIS is next on my list of things to try. I know nothing about this doctor and little of why he has come to this place in his thinking, but when I look at the practical and natural ways he suggests I alter my lifestyle to feel better, I am encouraged to have hope. Natural doesn't make my body overreact. Natural doesn't cause my tongue or my ankles to swell up. Natural doesn't add more symptoms on my already full plate. Natural is more gentle. But natural takes patience. So I'll give it some time and see what I come up with.

Thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment.

Ten on the Tenth

I actually remembered that it was the tenth. And I took ten pictures. But I must remind you that the life I live outside my head is really rather monotonous and dull. And I can't take pictures of the inside of my head. Or can I? You know how they say that we are either right brained or left brained? When I take those little quizzes, I always end up seeming just about 50/50. And today I noticed that my desk proved it.

On the left is my side for study. On the right is my side for fiction writing. My desk always looks like this, it wasn't just today. I guess maybe I am both. ANYWAY, moving on to the rest of these riveting pictures...

Don't you just wish these things would make themselves once in awhile.

Ooh. Nice.

A pathetic little lego man who is far from home.

I wish the cleaning fairy would hit this room.

I found a soldier in my kitchen. Or as he calls himself: a G.I.G.I.O.

Showing some respect.

Well, what's the use in having them if you don't put them to work? JUST KIDDING. She lives for this. Seriously.

Some lovely horse artwork.

It does appear that everyone will be able to visit the prize box tomorrow.

And there you have it. A day in the life of a 50/50 left/right brained homeschooling mother of four. You may now go about your business.

A Few Reasons You Should Watch Doctor Who

Up to about a month ago, This was my impression of Doctor Who. An old dude standing by a console doing weird things while people watched him. With good reason. The doctor does often stand around his console and do weird things while people watch. For 36 years of my life, if I heard someone say that they couldn't get enough Doctor Who, I would wait until they turned away and give them this look:

However, I was recently motivated to give this show a try because of so many people like me that couldn't get enough Doctor Who. I heard it was hilarious. I heard it was a must-see of any self-respecting science fiction enthusiast. What nerd in all of time and space could resist a show that really lived in all of time and space? 

So I gave it a try. And the first couple episodes were hard to get through. I didn't get it right away. But I kept watching, and then I started to like the characters. They started to reveal more of themselves and I realize the old dude messing around on the console had a really interesting back story. Plus he had this way of getting completely animated over adventure, yet he'd stick his hands in his pockets and go quiet if things got personal. The girl following him around had an inspiring spirit. Even though she was 19 and he was over 900, she had things to teach him about unwavering respect and compassion for others. And he had an entire universe to show her. So they really, really worked together.

That's what I'm all about. CHARACTERS. Not being a seasoned Doctor Who fan who had known the series back in the 60's through the 90's, I had to learn something the hard way and so I soften the blow for you, future Whovian. Doctor Who can be really, really sad. Some things are inevitable when 900 year-old time lords come flying around in their TARDIS and mingling with fragile humans.

And so Doctor Who can sometimes make you feel like this.

But don't despair, because as Sarah Jane Smith would say - It's completely worth it. And there are really, really funny moments too. You'll have some laughs with the indomitable  Donna Noble.

And I really don't think there's better science to be found anywhere.

But River warns me to be careful. And she has a gun so I will shut up.

But just one more thing - best little family you could ever fall in love with right here:

It's true, making things that were thought up fifty years ago seem cool can be a challenge. But I think they've managed to pull it off.

And now that you know what TARDIS means, you can hardly stop there.

By the way, it's bigger on the inside.

I must warn you ahead of time, if you see one of these, DON'T BLINK. 

But scary moments beside, Doctor Who is a wonderfully silly, emotionally devastating, always moving, constantly surprising, brilliantly acted and written story that has - after all - managed to endure for fifty years.

Oh, and there's a lot of frantic hugging if you're into that.

So what are you waiting for? Find yourself some Who and get busy. Allons-y!