The Little Things

It’s strange to find myself at a loss for words. I lost my own father in 2014, and I have the familiar denial again, that my father-in-law isn’t really gone. Surely he’ll be back. But he is gone, and I have an uncomfortable feeling that I took him for granted.

He wasn’t the kind of person to push himself on anyone. In fact, I can remember giving him a hard time about him not wanting attention or gifts. He was frugal, he saved rather than spent, he didn’t buy extras for himself. And yet the same man would show himself immensely generous if someone was in need. I see it now – he preferred to store up his money so he could use it on others. It made him happy.

Isn’t it always the little things that become magnified when a person leaves this life? The chair he liked to sit in by his condo is still there, the ground around it covered in bird seed. The little homemade snow globe my son made a few years ago still sits on the top of his dresser. His calendar is marked to help him remember to take care of his granddaughter when she gets home from school. He had a bag of dog treats ready for the next time he would have taken care of his granddog.

I’m not saying my father-in-law was perfect. He had flaws just as we all do, though age had refined him and created something peaceful and kind in his spirit that made him easy to be around. I guess I’m saying I wish I could have seen the wonderful part more clearly before it was time to say goodbye. I wish I’d hugged him a little longer or spent a little more time sitting across from him on the couch and talking about nothing important.

I struggle to take time to appreciate the little things. I’m not one to sit on a chair in the yard and feed the birds. I hate small talk. I always want life to be big, epic and profound. But how much closer could I have been to my father-in-law if I’d tried things his way? If I hadn’t been so impatient and busy, and I’d just taken the fleeting moments he had left and sat by him?

There was a week several years ago that he came and spent with our family. I enjoyed having him there, but there was one day when I was trying to get everything accomplished and I was finally on the elliptical, getting exercise out of the way. He followed me into the room with his coffee and just sat there as I exercised. At the time I wished he would find something else to do. It felt awkward. Now I see it completely differently. He was trying to be part of my world. He was trying to be present even though I was overly busy. How I would change my attitude if I could relive that moment again!

As I was after my own father died, I’m regretful. But I’m hopeful that my wrong perspective could help someone else make changes in relationships before it’s too late. If you have a person in your life who thinks opposite of you, embrace the differences. Learn to appreciate them. Imagine that person gone from your world and truly consider what would suddenly be missing from your life.

Howard … Dad … I do love you. I wish I’d told you more. I wish it hadn’t taken seeing you on your deathbed to realize how special you are. I’m sorry I took you for granted. I’ll remember you, and your simple, wonderful ways, and make sure my children remember the precious treasure you really were.

So, as my children keep saying, I wish I had one more time to sit and talk to you. Even saying that, I know it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough. It goes back to that inevitable truth - we weren't made for death. It's not a natural state. I'm so thankful that someday death will be defeated and banished forever. May we all be ready for that day.

Goodbye, my second father. I will miss you.

Results of Blackout 2017

The Shisler family Blackout 2017 is drawing to a close. It was an interesting month. We did well in some areas and others were a challenge. We've definitely learned some things.

We stuck to the no electronics the whole month. There was one or two who shall remain nameless that sneaked some phone time or did some unnecessary "work" on the computer, but overall it was a pretty quiet month. At first the kids didn't know what to do with themselves, but they started playing more games and undertaking creative endeavors. 

Drying laundry on the line didn't go well. I tried it once but realized quickly I didn't have enough space on my line for the amount of laundry I do in  a day. We did some towels and sheets on the line, but I admit we gave that up pretty quickly.

We are still washing dishes by hand. I have definitely learned to appreciate my Bosch dishwasher. I had no idea how much time it saves me. I'm not going to take it for granted anymore!

We ate more simply as well and tried some new dishes. We did more of a "Mediterranean" diet, which worked pretty well for everyone. 

I noticed that we did better the first half of the month than the second. Especially as our vacation approached, I started buying things on Amazon again, using it as my excuse. I think I need some more work on the "no spending" in the future. I did successfully avoid buying my son a fidget spinner. He asked approximately forty thousand times a day.

I made it well over a week without air conditioning, but it probably wasn't fair because the weather has been unseasonably cool and pleasant. I got uncomfortable fast for the few days that were hot, and the air went right back on. I believe if we had to live in survival mode that would be the the thing that I would have the hardest time with. I don't like being too hot. 

We did composting most of the month and didn't use paper or plastic. I noticed the garbage can wasn't as full as usual, and I was happy about that. 

If I were going to grade us, we'd probably get a C- for our effort and attitudes this time. But I'm told I'm a tough teacher. I think this was a good introduction to a simpler lifestyle, but it wasn't perfect. I'm thinking we are going to need to revisit this idea again.

We played a lot of board games, spent a lot of time outside, went to VBS, slept more, talked more and took more walks. And those were probably the best reasons to pull the plug. I spent more time studying the Bible and praying, and I managed to write about 50,000 words during the month of June, which is unheard of for me. I guess I really do get distracted by the internet. I may have to give myself some permanent rules about work time.

Here are some pics from the past month. Thanks for tuning in!

built from scratch by my 13-year-old daughter

playing "co-op"

Washing dishes and shenanigans

Blackout 2017

Today is Memorial Day. We tend to think about this as a day off where we get all the chores done we've been putting off. Or a day where we visit family or take a trip. Or we think of it as the kickoff to summer.

But we know that first, this is a day to remember. Remember sacrifices made on our behalf. We remember that countless lives were laid down so that we could be so free we can work on the lawn or go on a trip or cook out or do whatever we want. They died so we could have these freedoms.

Living in a world and even in a country that doesn't seem to have as much appreciation for the sacrifices given for us, I have to wonder how much longer it will last. Our nation no longer acts like grateful upholders of freedom, rather, entitled, easily offended, distracted holders of freedom.

Because of what I see happening in the world, and even with the attitudes and entitlement of my own children and my own heart, our family is adopting a plan for June that I hope will bring our motivations and goals somewhat back into check. It's a scary plan. It doesn't sound especially fun. I'm sure we're going to have challenges in the next month as we try to make it work. But deep down within me, I feel like my children need the opportunity to realize how much we take for granted. And I want them to know what to do if freedom, comfort and ease becomes a thing of the past.

So this month, the Shisler family will be conducting a Blackout. Not a literal blackout, with no electricity or running water or grocery stores, etc, but a first-time practice Blackout.

Here's our plan:

Shisler Family Blackout

June, 2017

For the month of June, we will be unplugging and reducing our use of conveniences and electricity. The reasons for this:

1.       To honor God by admitting our comfort and entertainment may be distracting us from hearing his voice, and to pray and ask him to speak in the stillness.

2.       To learn to be more conservative in our use of power, food, conveniences and entertainment. These things may not always be around, and we need to know how to live without them.

3.       To remember that sacrifice reminds us of how much Jesus gave up for us. He left HEAVEN to live here in a very rough time and died a very rough death on our behalf. While we have been blessed to have so many comforts, it’s not what this life is about and Jesus was the one who showed us what is more important.

4.       To learn how to get along. We will use this time to focus on relationships and finding common ground without the distractions. We will focus on learning to be quiet without electronics.

5.       To learn how to work hard to survive. This may come in useful one day.

What we will be doing differently:

1.       No electronics. No computer (except for specific work and school tasks), no tv, no phones (except for calls and texts with friends and family.) Exceptions: listening to music or Adventures in Odyssey, listening to the Bible read aloud or an audio classic book, reading on the kindle. (limit to one hour a day.)

2.       We will be drying laundry on the clothesline when the weather is good. Everyone will help.

3.       We will be hand washing dishes, and reducing our use of paper and plastic. Everyone will help.

4.       We will not be making any purchases besides food and any emergency necessities that come up. No purchases for fun or convenience.

5.       We will try to live without air conditioning for at least a week, or as long as the weather does not get extremely hot. If it does, we will keep it set to 78 or above to conserve energy.

6.       We will not drive more than necessary or for convenience.

7.       We will make compost of food waste rather than throw it away. We will reduce our waste.

8.       We will conserve our use of water and electricity.

9.       We will eat less red meat, more vegetables. We will try to make our own bread and conserve our use of the stove and fridge. (maybe cook mostly on grill?)

1.      We will spend our extra time organizing and decluttering, getting rid of things that could be helpful to others.

1.      We will do at least one activity that is for the good of others less fortunate.

I     If you are interesting in joining us for the Blackout in June (or another time) feel free to use any or all of these ideas.  I'll be posting again in July about how it went and what we learned. Let me know about your experiences and ideas in the comments, and thank you to all who serve our country so sacrificially!

I

Good Friday?

On this morning, only a couple thousand of years ago, a man waited below the house of the high priest in Jerusalem.

A prisoner. Surely many prisoners had been housed in that dungeon, dreading the moment they were handed over to Rome for execution. Some may have deserved their fate, some may have been victims of a corrupt system governed more by rule-following and prestige than by their law they claimed to love so dearly.

But this prisoner was different. He was truly innocent, not only in matters of the law, but in all matters. He was the perfect Creator of the universe, captive only to his love for his people and to his promises made from the beginning of time.

But why do we call this day Good Friday? The day our Lord was betrayed by friendship’s kiss cannot be good. The morning after a night of slandering, the morning dawn brought cruelty in the form of beatings, mocking, and a sentence of death can't be good. Those who had followed him and praised his teaching and even watched him raise the dead to life … now scorned him. Disowned him. Left him alone without a single soul willing to stand up for him and risk the same fate. How can it be good that he suffered, and that he suffered alone?

His disciples couldn’t even stay awake to pray with him the night before such an evil, terrible day. 

So why in the world would we call this day “good”? What could be good in such tragedy and betrayal? How could we celebrate a day that found humanity at its worst, violently attacking and killing the very being that gave them the breath of life and formed their bodies within their mothers’ wombs?

We call it good because it is our only hope. We call it good because there is no other way, not by sacrifice or self-discipline or scientific exploration or by the pursuit of world peace … THERE IS NO OTHER WAY we could be saved from our sinful souls.

It is a good Friday when I know that cross, meant for shame and torture and death, is a glorious trophy to exchange one day for a crown I don’t deserve. I can call his suffering and death good because he endured every single moment until it was finished … for me. Because he loved me. In my sin and ugliness and weakness and failure, he loved me.

And we can call it good because it wasn’t just one person he loved, but every one of us. His sacrifice was accomplished ONCE FOR ALL. Anyone who will turn from their sin and look to his cross for forgiveness and new life may come and receive freely the abundant gift of eternal life. No questions asked. No qualifications or conditions. The price has been paid. Cursed humanity has been ransomed.

Only come. Receive. Have faith.

And Friday is good only because of one enduring, eternal truth. Friday is good because Sunday is coming. Death didn’t keep him. The grave was forced to give him up. Friday is good because it was the only way we would know that our Savior is strong enough to take on the enemy we could never, ever conquer on our own.

Jesus is alive.