Every time I've sat down to start writing out this story - a story I hope will help readers who may relate to find their own answers to their own puzzling journey - I'm stumped at where to start. The beginning of this journey started so long ago I was still a child in the process of becoming a young woman. The effects of this journey have been my constant and frustrating companions for most of my life. I am still in shock when I consider that I may have reached the end of the worst part of this struggle. The part with no answers. No help. The part where hope for a solution had dwindled away almost to nothing.
It's hard to believe this body can be well. But it's been almost a month since I found the answers that tied everything together. And I feel WELL.
So I will try to briefly sum up what's been going wrong for the past 28 years:
My childhood was relatively normal in the way of health, although I did get sick more than the average child and I did battle asthma and allergies. I suppose it was my normal. But when I hit puberty, my body ... well, the only way to put it is that my body freaked out. I started gaining weight for no reason, and I began to have new symptoms that would eventually be diagnosed as Ulcerative Colitis. After a few years, migraines began, and when I got married and wanted to start a family, I had to deal with infertility first.
My body and my four pregnancies did not go together well. Four body freak-outs (and beautiful kids) later, and 10 years, and I was in a bad place. Overweight, tired, depressed and anxious, I had to drag myself out of bed and face each day, try to think clearly enough to teach my kids and write. I was trying to beat myself into a place of health. Strenuous exercise that drained me of every last reserve of energy, trying to eat healthy, whole foods and take the right supplements left me mostly disillusioned. I thought it was impossible for my body to get healthy. I seemed allergic to the very exercises and food that doctor after doctor or fad after fad or product after product had told me would make me a healthy weight and help me feel better. I had the thought many times that if I could just stop eating altogether maybe my body would be happy. I even tried it a couple times, but it only brought on new problems.
I'm not sorry for the journey. Having those health struggles are what made me start thinking about a healthier way to live. I will never regret learning a lifestyle that has helped my entire family develop healthy habits of living.
But one day very recently, out of nowhere, I stumbled upon the address of a doctor. An integrative doctor who was a five-minute drive from my house. I called her office, thinking it would be months and months until she could see me, afraid that insurance wouldn't cover her fees and I would put a strain on the family financially. I thought there had to be a catch.
She welcomed me into her office and talked to me for over 2 hours. She listened carefully to every detail of my health history and my story. She did a careful examination and decided to send me to an endocrinologist (who won't be able to see me for three months) to rule out more complicated problems with my thyroid. She gave me a thorough list of everything I should be eating and shouldn't. Told me several supplements to help with my troubling symptoms. Handed me the bottle of thyroid pills I probably should have been taking 20 years ago.
But there was a moment in her office where everything fell into place. Where all my years of blaming and berating myself were canceled out. She put her hand on my shoulder, got my attention, and said confidently, "This is not your fault."
So, dear reader who can relate to this story, I'm here to tell you, if you have been vigilantly trying to get your body out of a life-long freakout, if you have tried every fad and diet and supplement out there and still feel and look unhealthy, if you know deep down in your soul that something is wrong with you no matter how many doctors have told you your levels are "normal," IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I invite you to stay tuned to this blog. I'm going to have several more posts in the coming months that will deal specifically with the two issues that were causing me the most trouble. PCOS (and other hormonal issues) and Hypothyroidism. These are two types of autoimmune trouble that are not well understood or easily treated, but more and more people are struggling with them every day.
We're going to find some answers. And I'm going to tell you, that even though I am only beginning my journey to wellness, after one month of following her instructions (to the letter) I have lost an entire clothes size. That may not sound amazing unless you, like me, have tried everything in vain and still feel swollen and uncomfortable in your body. I have never lost weight so painlessly in my life, and I've been trying to lose weight for most of my life. Something is working here. And if it can work for me, it can work for anyone.
So follow my blog and check back. Sign up on the email list. We're going to talk about specific symptoms, diet, supplements and even how our attitude will affect our ability to get well.
I'm not there yet. Neither are you. But we're going to get there together. I'd love to hear your thoughts or your stories. Let me know in the comments what you've been dealing with and what answers you are hoping to find.
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